Abbreviated

One evening last fall I randomly typed in my birth father's name, Tyson Harman, into the Facebook search box...and poof! There he was. I knew it was him the second I saw him. And I had never seen him before. My first thought was not, "Great!" my first thought was, "Now look what you've done Heather". I had to decide what should be done or what I needed to be done or what I could live with being done. After swearing profusely I remembered my birth mom had told me I had two sisters. I found several women...and wrote them all. I introduced myself as the possible daughter of this man and gave them relevant facts I knew about him.

I was not going to give him a chance to reject me.

Then I waited.

And then I had one. My sister, yes I had a sister! Gayle writing to tell me that if what I wrote her was true then she was my sister! And in fact I had two! And an aunt and new cousins...and still there was him...who I hadn't written yet. I was angry at this man I had never met.

Angry and indifferent.

This particular blog is abbreviated. And in many ways that is the way I feel about him...abbreviated. I have spoken to him once on the phone and he seems very nice. On an intellectual level I would like to meet him. To learn something about him so that I can learn something about myself. To have something more to pass on to my children about their grandfather.

Emotionally I feel nothing.

I think I should meet him. I want to meet my sisters. I want to meet my aunt and cousins. I want to form a connection.

I'll think about these things.