Jesus is Kale

There are a few things I have resolved to do in this New Year...unofficially. I never seem to follow resolutions and think I probably have good company in this habit. However, blogging has become one of my unofficial resolutions. It feels good to keep a record of today, no matter how inconsequential it may seem. My other two resolutions that have added themselves to my list: Find a way to incorporate Jesus into our lives in some way...almost like you would blend up kale in a smoothie...Jesus is good for us...and he has got to find a way into our daily life. Other goal...put myself out there. I realized the other day that I "check out" of real life...not in a dramatic way...but this is a habit I picked up many years ago when I first came to my foster mother's home. I don't know why I never recognized this...but I deal with stress through an addiction. Is it the internet? Not necessarily per say. It is reading! Yes, a perfectly wonderful past time but one that at times gets in the way of now. When I first came to Lorie's I think I was grieving the loss of...what? I don't know...since as an adult looking back on my childhood situation I can use logic and see that my life with my mother and then my aunt was anything but healthy. But to me it was my life. And so imagine yourself one day...at age 10, in a new town, a home with strangers, going to a new school...coming to grips that that was really gone. Some kids act out, some kids become promiscuous, some kids use alcohol and drugs...I read...and prayed. Thus, you see the addition of Jesus into the resolutions...because although I don't believe that Jesus' corpse rose from the dead...I don't believe that the earth was made in a six days...I do believe in the power of love and forgiveness. I want my children to know that. I tell them that while I have a hard time believing that belief made me "normal". Magic of some sort is there.

I am a really social person...so putting myself out there and making myself do it seems like a no-brainer. But I am often a self imposed loner...I fall into it. In high school I spent hours alone: reading, fishing, going walking and running. I can be moody and brooding. I can be sullen and depressed. I am not an unhappy person...just recognizing that to get those things I want: good friends, relationships and a support network I have to come out of myself. Those habits I formed so many years ago...reading obsessively, reading anything for distraction...have to stop. My life is good and should be fully lived.