Grief

I took the children to the Lenten Service at the church we have been attending. It is one way that I am trying to introduce religious practice into their life...I believe that this practice is even more important then my belief or unbelief in dogma. The world is a sad place. It can be overwhelming.

I have given up Facebook for Lent in order to be more present in my own life. Today is the third day I haven't been on...and I don't miss it in general. I am a social person...so have just upped the effort in my everyday life to come into contact with people. We went to the library last night, church the night before. This keeps me around adults when I have five children and Jon is at work. Despite the fact that I really think I have some of the smartest, sweetest and most well behaved children I still need adult conversation! 

Oddly, the thing I miss most about Facebook is the ability to commiserate with others on the state of sadness that pervades our world. I have written I feel things strongly. Listening to NPR yesterday I almost cried when I heard the commentator speaking on Libya interview a reporter saying he had seen bad things but was seeing things he had never seen happen before. His voice was dull and flat, in an attempt to keep his voice steady. Can you feel that pain? Across the world. Two times yesterday NPR hosts cautioned that if you were listening with small children to tune out. I did. And the radio silence was loud. What the fuck is wrong with people that they can massacre people? And that it goes on over and over and over again. And we go on with our lives. I feel powerless. I want to yell out to the world. LOOK! Because so many of us are also overwhelmed we don't want to hear it. So we don't listen. I don't know what to do about this. Does it matter when we hear of grief? Does it matter to know that in Libya a dictator will massacre thousands and torture them? Does it matter that in the Sudan horrific things happen EVERY DAY. And it doesn't even make the news? That Charlie Sheen makes the news?!!? That in Russia journalists are singled out and assassinated.

This morning I heard about Japan. And felt that lump in my throat. We have friends that are from Japan, Kazunori and Eri, who now live in New York. Looking at the map I can't help but think the epicenter is where they are from...where their families live. I wanted to run to Facebook!(the only place I can get in contact with Kazunori) and write him and say, "We are thinking of you!". But I didn't. I came to blog about grief and sadness. And told Jon to do it for me.

For some moments in life there are no words. -David Seltzer, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory