Lightening

Friendship. I miss it. I miss having good girlfriends I can walk and talk with. It has been many years since I have had a good friend here...with me...in my life. Of course, I have Jon and he is my best friend...but he can't be everything to me. Who wants to be that? We talk about it, Jon and I...how hard it is to find those people you click with...that don't have to struggle to understand what you mean, it goes both ways.

I'm pretty tired today and was yesterday. I think it is the result of a week at home with all five kids and having the youngest half of them sick. So we were home. Stuck. And it feels like that. I dropped a flier off at the Moscow Parent-Toddler Co-op today for the field trip next Tuesday. Jon had Isla at home while I dropped Iris off at preschool. I stayed for 45 minutes without a child. Heavy on the PARENT co-op today. I needed to speak with other women. Don't we all need that? Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? And why do I live so far from the friends I have made as an adult.

Emily, I am talking about you. I was overcome with the urge to call you immediately on the way from preschool. But didn't. I don't want to talk to you on the phone. I want to go on a walk with you, go for coffee, listen to you rant and rave...and then get my turn.

Molly, I am talking about you. From the moment I spied you with that bright red triple stroller I knew we were meant to be friends. And I miss you and your wisdom. You have been instrumental in my own life. I have learned so much from you.

Mary, I am talking about you. I remember the exact moment I met you at library story time in Missoula. We were both rabid for friendship. I saw it in you and your hurried, breathless speech. No one tells us how desperate for adult conversation young children will make us.

Shauna, I am talking about you...even though suddenly I am not sure how to spell your name. How fun it was to find another woman that would share her thoughts passionately. I want to go for a walk with you, through the frats, and be shocked by young men hitting on us despite you having a baby strapped to your chest.

Jennifer, I am talking about you. I don't know when it happened. But we became good friends. I am so thankful for your acceptance of me...just as I am.

I have never been the person to have a lot of close friends. I know a lot of people in passing but always long for real connections. They don't come easy. Perhaps the friends we do make wouldn't be as special if it was easy.

All I know is that I long for those people and those relationships. I mourn them at times. Come over. Lets eat together and go on a walk.

They come as gifts.

Lightening.