Temptation

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
~ Alexander Graham Bell

There is nothing I like better then a good quote. A quote that sums up whatever emotion I am feeling and  explains it so much better. Our pastor today spoke about Jesus in the wilderness and about his temptations...the fact that he could have eaten at that moment and satisfied his hunger. But then that would have been the end of the story and that his destiny in life was to do it right. This led into a discussion on our own temptations and she put a spin on it. The temptation to deny the areas in our lives where we can make a sacrifice and make a difference in another persons life. This idea fits nicely into my goal of being more "present" with my children but also, I am finding with other people in my life. Being away from Facebook has forced me to pick up the phone! I can't just scan the news feeder to find out what is going on in my neighbor's life. I might actually have to call them and ask them. It becomes more personal. The 24/7 connection to each other...may not be much of a connection. 

But aside from another connection to my Lenten "sacrifice"...I am taking another look at my desires. And the temptation to stubbornly cling to what we had pictured our lives as. We recently found ourselves wrestling with the desire for employment...well, employment by someone other than ourselves. A lot of this has to do with fear. I know Jon needs help running the business and I am scared. I am scared I will mess up an order or mess up the books. And the responsibility will lie solely with me! Our only training is on-the-job...with five kids relying on us there just aren't room for mistakes. We are afraid there won't be enough work. We are afraid we will run out of money. There is so much we don't control...and I don't believe that simply working hard is enough. You need some good luck in there! Lately, we find ourselves trying to make our own luck.

Because of my childhood and the lack of even basic resources I crave stability. I WANT a steady paycheck and health insurance. I WANT a home that my children can call their home. And damned if I find myself struggling to pay all our bills despite investing in our educations...despite working hard...despite pressing onward. I like the above quote because it reminds me that while so many of those employment doors have shut we have other doors that ARE open. What do you do when those aren't the doors you want? Or that you dreamed of? Or what you planned for? 

NPR last week had Pastor Eugene Peterson, the author of, The Message, translation of the Bible. What he said struck me as he spoke of a span of six years in his life during his 30s when nothing seemed to work out. He said he was striving...yet no doors opened. I feel like this. I feel we are stunted. It feels like failure. We have to quit looking at those closed doors and look at the ones that are available.